getting back in the game

I started dating again. I thought, four months should just be right for me to get myself back up to seeing people again. If it doesn't work out, I could always look at it as networking, one thing that I've been trying to put onto myself recently is to adapt a more holistic approach to every day life, it's pragmatic, and two, cost-efficient. In other words, it's all but an act of self-preservation. 

I've learned the fine lines between wanting to be in a relationship, and being ready to be in one. Sadly, the latter was what I was resting on. The delusion of taking care of myself meant to me that I was finally giving myself the love and time that I've always wanted to give myself, in other words, or how Rupaul would say "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?". Reality was, I did all of this to attract more people in, to feed off from their compliments, and to basically feed my deflating ego. But don't we verify ourselves through others anyway?, I thought.

This guy I went out with last night seemed to tick all the boxes, a creative young man who has his feet on the ground, successful, attractive, presents himself very well, with a good dose of sense of humor and subtle signs of sarcasm. It has to be him, I mean, cunty and funny? What else do we need in life but this?

We had a great time together, we had coffee and cake and we talked about the ins and out of the gay online dating community and it's dynamics, artificial insemination, how ninety perfect of the Lebanese community here in Australia is practically gay, racism, and how, coincidentally, he's best friend who he was meeting up after our little rendezvous was the hot guy I slept with on my last post. I KNOW. WHAT THE FUCK, right?

The universe is trying to tell me something, but who am I kidding? The gay circles in Brisbane is so small that everyone has pretty much slept with everybody.

Anyway, going back to this whole dating thing, it didn't work out. I was having this illusion that it was okay but the reality was that there wasn't any sexual chemistry. I've become aware of this before and I know we've been in situations where we meet somebody extremely attractive but have no sexual attraction to. It's fucked up if you think about it, aren't our brains hardwired into copulating with such creatures to produce offspring that is of great quality and high immunity? Really, all I can say is, it's fucked. I've talked about this before, and it still continues to boggle my mind up a bit. Not that I'm putting myself in a pedestal and despite being aware that someone being attractive is all but relative, I've had very hot men come into my doors that I had no sexual attraction with, yeah we did the deed just to get it over and done with but I'd never have their numbers saved anymore after that.

"You're an extremely intelligent guy and funny," has somehow got to me to mean the same thing as you're ugly. 

I'll just end this post by a quote from the unrealistically beautiful Dita Von Teese

"You may be the sweetest peach in the world, but you'll always find somebody that absolutely hates peaches."

Can I get an amen up in here?