on getting married

One of my good friends who met her partner the same time I met Aaron more than two years ago is getting married this year. I was invited, and so was this other guy I had an affair with whilst I was still with my boyfriend then.

I just found out this morning that the reason why he got invited too was because my friend's tattoo artist is my other guy's girlfriend. I know, small world. He told her about me and him a couple of months ago  when he found out that she was also having an affair with this other guy in Sydney whenever she has fly down for 'work'. I know, it's fucked up.

An affair and another affair. We both knew it was fucked in the first place. They've been going through couple counselling ever since. Why they would want to make the relationship work after all the drama? I do not know. I told him last night whilst we were on my way to my place from work that I'd punch him in the face if he ever gets her pregnant. "She's on the pills, we're fine." 

The last thing I saw of him was a grin on his face and a wave of goodbye as his four-wheel drive swerved from my drive-way. I sighed. If only I knew how to quit him. 

-

We should go out again some time soon, you know, let' do brunch. Nothing in the evening so she wouldn't think we'd be doing something suspicious, I said. I miss you, it's been months. It has been months, it's been almost half a year since I had a conversation with him.

 I can't, I'd want to as well but with things not settling down with me and her, I don't think it'd be right. He was looking out the window, we were both trying not to look at each other. You're right, I understand. It's incredibly selfish of me to ask this from you, and I know... Can you please tell her I'm sorry?

Don't stress about it, honestly, It's okay. 

Just please tell her that, I just don't like the idea of having anybody hold a grudge on me. It'd make me feel a lot better if you did. Please..

Okay, I'll tell her when I get home. Just don't stress about it, okay? It's all in the past.

He's been haunting me constantly in my dreams for the last two months now, and it's been the same recurring dream every night. Us kissing, me holding his fragile body, his hands wrapped around me, his long blonde hair caressing my pillow, his eyes..his eyes filled with liquid turquoise that I could just dive into any day. 

I've fallen in love with him and it still kills me everyday that he's still alive in my dreams after all this. Bob Marley once said that everybody's going to hurt you, you just need to find that somebody whose worth suffering for. I guess I've already found the morphine to my vaccine.