on where i am now

I've always been confused whenever my friends would tell me that happiness is a choice. I've always thought that happiness is a product of the situation you're in. Not a source of where you are, but kind of a conclusion to what you're currently working on. 

I started dating again a couple of weeks ago. The first one didn't turn out well. He was this twenty-something career-driven, successful, driving a sports-car, and living the life of luxury kind of guy. Average-looking, lebanese-aussie born, smart, sexually-competent, with a very ugly, dead, middle toe on his left foot. I know.

He wasn't exactly my type, but the fact that he was so young, and to be where he's at right now, made him attractive to me. Like a mail-order-bride from Thailand, his life as his work was the one single thing that got me glued to him. I think that was partly the reason why things didn't turn out well. I had the wrong reasons on why I would wanna get to know this guy. In a way, I wanted to be like him, I wanted him to be a teacher, not a lover. 

I couldn't handle his crazy work schedule though. His priority was his work, and that's fair enough, and I really appreciated it when he'd took the time at two in the morning to drive all the way to my place to pick me up just so we could share a wine or two at his apartment. That was sweet, he was sweet, but there's always more to it than that. 

Deep inside, I knew things weren't exactly going to work out in the future. I've come to listen to my gut-instincts a lot more now, and that's one of those things that I've learned from him. Our instincts are there for a reason, and no matter how well advanced technology and the way we live now, we should never forget to tap into our instincts, besides, we wouldn't have survived all these years without 'em. 

My emancipation from dating made me feel better. I don't know but I couldn't help but ask myself, is my body telling me that I'm just not built for dating just yet? or has it always known that things were not going to work out with this guy?

I'm happy nonetheless. I've managed to learn from something that only lasted for two weeks.

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Three weeks in from my last work-out update. 

I've been working really hard to get this new "healthy" lifestyle" on the roll. I'm still not as driven to working out just all by myself, but having to pay a really hot personal trainer really does help when it comes to getting the results you need. I'm nowhere in to where I want to be right now but the changes in my body has been more apparent to me than the last five weeks ever since I started doing this. I can't wait!

Things always seem to work out well as long as you put out and wait for it. Let's just hope this is one of them ;-)