Frustrations

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photos are cropped by blogspot because its too big for it :-(

I was sitting by my usual spot when you last saw me. With my fingers pressed lightly on the shutter and my eyes wandering around for any clues of delusional concepts, I sat dead.

(dedicated to all the cat lovers out there;
you know who you are)

My usual white shirt and green-holed shorts fitted my body pretty well. Both my arms were caught by a chain, a chain that captures time. A time-capturing chain that differs from one eye to another. An imagination stronger than those of porn makers and poets, my eyes can communicate with pixels.

For a minute, I felt lost. "What have I got myself into" I thought. You saw me with confused and lost eyes as you walked down Pine street along with your favorite rubber shoes. I felt numb, like rubber gum stuck on someone else's foot. The complex pool of artists in my head keeps on punching me with their cameras. Competition were everywhere and they were all older, they were all better, they got all the new gadgets, the lightings, the strobes, THE everything, you name it!

Inferiority was kicking in. My plastered smile came off and you saw me with a face sourer than any orange on the face of this unfair world, a face who knew nothing else but the word SAD-was I ever too good enough to be considered an artist?

You knew me quite well. I would call you from your place and you would come on over and say things about my work. Holding my photos up while I try and scrutinize your face with any dash of negativity, you were always fair-giving me the balance of critic. I've always thought you were a liar. Always giving me positive inputs while I know that you were only doing this because you know I'm a kid.

I miss getting bloody brutal comments. Like "its usual, nothing new on it" or "you call that taking pictures? My 2-year old niece can do better than that!" or even "Composition makes no sense and you're making my head ache." Getting those kinds of comments always gave me time to do better.

I can't force it if people can't appreciate pictures. You know what I mean, right? You just stare at a picture and check out if its colors are right and then you try to see if it matches your taste or not. Then you move on with the next shot, making comments about the angle and how awkward it was because your ex-boyfriend was sitting beside you.

You know that I can't please everyone, but my dream job demands me to.

Leaping from my seat, I saw you staring at me. I looked at you and saw the etches of experience running across your face, "I wonder what my old friend has been doing.." I thought while I wave hello and plaster my fake smile on.

"Look at my new shots, Tim."

"That's nice. Is there a problem?"

"Huh? No. I'm okay...I just feel a bit uneasy."

"You look lost sweetie. lost.." looking at me with those piercing brown eyes as I tried to say no with my wooden reflection.

"I can't be lost. I always sit here every Saturday with me handy time-capturing chain!" raising my arm up while holding the camera.

"I meant it figuratively, you know that." He smiled while punching me lightly on my shoulder.

"I'm happy that someone actually does read my pictures." Hugging him tight with my head resting on his shoulder. He wasn't taller than me but his warm skin kept me hot while the cold weather tries to kiss me with her lips.

"Post it. People would love it" he smiled while kissing my cheeks goodbye.

I stood there for thirteen minutes while my right palm grasped that blushing cheek where his lips planted deep. I should've kissed him back, but it wouldn't be right if I were to have any plans on destroying this friendship.

He was nowhere in sight. Lost in the horizon where the angels fly and doves sing goodbye.

Soon I realized that the sun has already gone blue, like true love coming just once in a lifetime-I stood there with my love while I hold its chain and smile at it while we both look at the moon with a pack of orgasm to keep me inspired.

Then he spoke

"You may be lost now, but you'll soon find your own route.
Never give up on that path, never give up with what you love.
Never give up on love"

As for now, I remain....... LOST

Thanking everyone for the support and inspiration :-D
XOXO